January 31, 2024

To make a difference, learn how to disagree

By Matt Lehrman

Social Prosperity partners


Reality TV and social media thrive on conflict, but most people are uncomfortable disagreeing with strangers in a public setting. A one-sided shouting match may be entertaining on Real Housewives or Bar Rescue, but it’s no fun when it happens at your workplace — especially when you’re the target.


It is frustrating and perhaps even maddening, as a member of a governing council or board, to be on the receiving end of angry and unfounded accusations, especially when voiced during public comment periods in which, by law, council members are not permitted to respond. Many times I’ve been asked whether it’s absolutely necessary to offer such a one-sided platform.



I empathize, but I’m also here to offer some tough love. Disagreement isn’t only natural, it’s necessary. It is how humans, both as a social species and as autonomous individuals, are able to make group decisions. The art of leadership is learning to disagree productively — and empowering others to do so as well.

DOES DISAGREEMENT HAVE TO BE DISAGREEABLE?

Here’s some more tough love. Yes, sometimes disagreement does need to be disagreeable. As I emphasize in my keynote “From Conflict to Conversation,” the Constitution protects those who feel unheard or disrespected by assuring that the right to free speech, and even protest, is sacred. Though sometimes uncomfortable, it is one of those non-negotiables that we as Americans want to defend for the future.


Indeed, that is the point of the “call to the public” at open meetings. Providing a platform to be disagreeable preserves everyone’s First Amendment right “to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” It puts their demands on the record, available to public scrutiny and (more importantly) public discussion and group deliberation, whether formal or informal.


A leader’s job is to be part of those further discussions, creating opportunities for productive disagreement that makes people feel heard and respected.

Podcast Flashback: “The Nature of Our Division” (S2E1)

Experts from across the political spectrum weigh in on individual choice, group responsibility, and whether to “leave the past in the pasture.” Tell Me More: The Podcast of Courageous Conversations is hosted by Matt Lehrman of Social Prosperity Partners. Listen on Apple, Spotify and all podcast platforms.

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