January 10, 2024

What Civility Isn't

By Matt Lehrman

Social Prosperity Partners

Last week, inspired by New Year’s tradition, we resolved to nurture civility together in 2024. The next major holiday on the calendar suggests a way to begin: by reminding ourselves what civility is, and also what it isn’t.

Martin Luther King Jr., the Civil Rights icon whose birthday we celebrate on Jan. 15, didn’t use the word “civility” much, as Los Angeles Times columnist Michael Hiltzik wrote in 2018. Nevertheless, he had a clear message for political leaders who told protesters to “watch their tone” or “wait for a better time.”

“Justice too long delayed is justice denied,” King wrote from Birmingham Jail in 1963. “The time is always right to do right,” he said in a 1964 speech.

CIVILITY IS NOT AN EXCUSE

In other words, civility is not an excuse. It’s not an excuse for inaction, and it’s not an excuse to stop listening to questions and concerns in your community. Not even when the loudest voices in the room can be unreasonable, ill-informed and downright insulting.

Effective leadership transcends personal agendas; it’s about empowering and facilitating the success of others. It’s about being open to compromise. Cultivating true civility demands pushing past our own defensiveness and practicing what I call fearless inclusivity — a willingness to work respectfully with others to build trust and forge solutions that benefit everyone.

“Sometimes disagreement does need to be disagreeable. The right of protest, under the Constitution, is sacred.”
- Matt Lehrman